Winter Blues

It feels like it has been a long two days. The weather hasn't been too great, the list of things that need to get done is long and the house seems small. I feel it has been hard to have some "me" time lately. If I'm not taking care of this kids then I'm doing something for my virtual job or John's school party. I am also worried about what the future might bring as I still don't have a solid plan to earn more money to help make ends meet. I am hoping the job and if we need childcare will fall into place. It's hard to imagine taking care of the kids and then do something else for 4 hours and still have energy the next day - because right now I'm exhausted with what I'm doing now but that could be because I am 9 months pregnant too. I then wonder - and I'm going to add one more child to the mix - hence the title to my blog - "What was I thinking??"

Some funny things have happened today that make being a stay at home mom a joy. John called me "dear" like his Dad does. Patrick waking up after an hour and half nap wasn't joyful but watching him and James trying to waking up John who fell asleep in the living room for a little bit before dinner was pretty cute. Patrick has these pants on that are the right size but the elastic in the waist is a little "loose" so they are hanging off his butt most of the time. So he is bending over John then sitting on top of him like John is going to wake up and give him a ride. James is sitting in his Cars chair yelling "wake up John!"

Thanks for listening to my rant. I feel better getting that off my chest. I guess it is good it only took 10 days and a lot of snow before I started to break down mentally. Hopefully I have reached my low point until after the baby when the lack of sleep will be sure to get to me again - however - the weather will hopefully be a lot nicer so this house won't seem so small :-)